Talk to people!

According to the American psychologist Abraham Maslow: friendship and love are one of the four fundamental human needs. These fundamental needs have to be met before humans can turn their focus towards self-actualisation.

But in today's era people seem to become lonelier every day. We turn away from the real world into the digital realms of social media and video games. We get the illusion we were social by consuming content on social-media but when the screen turns black we feel alone. True friendship seems to be a thing of the past and finding new friends seems like an impossible endeavour. But in truth finding friends is stupidly easy or at least simple:

Talk to people!

To interact with people, you have to talk to them and you will only make friends and socialize if you engage with other humans. There are two things you have to do to become a social person. First, you have to be social i.e. talk to people engage in conversations and contribute to a social gathering. Second, be friendly. Nobody wants to be with a person who is unfriendly, but everybody longs for sincere positive friends in their life´s. Nobody has too many sincere friends. The odds are in your favour because when everybody is getting lonelier more people will respond to your social approaches.

Building a network of high-quality people will be one of your most valuable assets. Having connections to experts in different fields of life will save you time, money and hardship. And you will only connect with these experts if you are social. Not only will you have experts who can help you but will meet friendly people with whom you can share your leisure time.

Another aspect we neglect nowadays is talking about our problems. Talking will solve these problems. I know from first hand experiences how in some relationships or friendships people won´t talk about bad things even if they negatively impact the relationship. It isn´t common anymore to have hard, uncomfortable talks which don´t feel good but would ultimately move the relationship into the right direction. In the end we suppress our pain until the relationship falls apart.

John Gottman is an American psychologist who focuses on divorce prediction and marital stability. He has come up with different models to accurately predict a divorce. According to Gottman one of the most crucial things considering divorce are failed repair attempts. Fighting isn´t a problem in a relationship the important thing is that you come to a common understanding and resolve the conflict. Most marriages fight over the same issues over and over again for years without resolving the core issue. Either because they don´t talk about their fundamental demands and pain points in the relationship or because they are avoiding unpleasant talks as a whole.

Avoiding unpleasant talks isn´t a marriage only problem we fear talking to our teacher about our grades, to our boss about our salary or to the bully who keeps molesting us. A “no” won´t change your current situation but a “yes” might.

If we begin speaking more we should be cautious to avoid gossip! Gossip is prevalent in our modern society foremost in gen Z. Tim mentioned this in his last blog post “How to deal with toxic people”. On Monday I sat in my English lesson as I heard classmates talking about another guy in our year. As I was an outside observer or better outside listener to the conversation I realised how childish gossip really is. Not only does it hurt others but it also corrupts our own mind making us resentful towards others maybe even envious and vain. We have to avoid envy at all cost especially if we are ambitious to become successful in any endeavour of life because if we are envious others will reflect that and won´t be content with our success. Gossip, envy and vanity make us an unpleasant person. In the end we may be alone the opposite of our goal and fundamental need.

As always change begins in your head. If you claim to be an introvert, shy or socially awkward you won´t become a social person your mind won´t allow it. Your mind operates on a subjective reality and if you believe you are an *insert trait* your mind make you act to make this believe reality because for your mind it is reality. You have to want being social talking to other people only then will you act and like it. Moreover, socialising is learning by doing so just start and everything will fall into place. As mentioned above it is stupidly easy to meet new people. Everybody is lonely and everybody wants more genuine friends. Last year in October I was on a school trip to Vienna. One evening we went to a bar where I ended up speaking to two Austrian guys and a group of university students from America. We had fruitful conversations as I got insights into Austrian and American culture and we spend a funny evening together. Life is not as serious as the mind makes it out to be. Friends won´t fall from the heavens you have to engage with other humans and the world to build a social circle.

Too improve your social abilities you have to practice real-life conversations and maybe read some books to learn the theory. But theory alone will get you nowhere.

„How to win friends and influence people “The Bible of human relations. I believe if you practice and master the principles given by Dale Carnegie you will become a very capable human being in the realm of human relations. I would advise keeping a copy close to you and setting daily goals to practice specific principles given in the book. For example, take one day to practice smiling in every conversation and encounter you have. It may seem weird but it is the only way to improve.

Here are a few basic rules on how to deal with people:

„If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness. “

Be friendly nobody likes unpleasant people. Being friendly is also a fundamental because if we interact with other people we shouldn´t do it for our own sake and to gain something but to be selfless and give more. Friendships should be mutually benefiting. If you are friendly and courteous you will gain good-will which you could come back to in the future when you´re in need of help. Furthermore, helping others and being kind boosts your own endorphin levels improving mood and well-being.

„You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. “

Become interested in others is important because you will be liked more if you show respect and interest. Additionally, letting others do the talking will give you access to the mind of another person giving you different points of view. Deep down we are all egotistical to some degree and genuine interest is one of the highest compliments.

„Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.’ “

Smiling is a game changer especially in the field of romanticism. As I mentioned in my last blog “Happiness is a choice” positivity is infectious and will make people remember you.

Remember, life rewards the prepared.