How to deal with toxic people!
Yesterday, I was eating in a restaurant with some friends. I was minding my own business until a girl mentioned how other people were treating her. This topic excited me because I’m passionate about helping others. That’s why I’m writing this blog right now at 7 am on a Saturday morning. The problem with toxic people isn’t their existence; it’s how you deal with them. Do you remember the quote “Those who have the responsibility have the power”? To start with this topic, it’s crucial to acknowledge that you are responsible for your own happiness and therefore you must choose your reactions wisely and with rational thinking. Another problem, as most of the time, is social media. Toxic people can use these platforms to continue their little plays of insecurity. They love that stuff. But why is that a problem? It’s a problem when you give too many cares about people who aren’t even liking you. Do you think we would be caring about the opinions of people who are hating our blog? We are always open to criticism. If people don’t like our blog, fine, it’s their right. Either like us or don’t like us. Why would you waste your mental energy on people who aren’t even liking you? It’s irrational. You live your life and they live theirs. Some people like you, some won’t, and some might even hate you. Get over it and start living instead of giving too many cares. You don’t achieve happiness whilst constantly being annoyed or frustrated about toxic people because they did you harm in any way. Yeah, it might hurt, but you should try to apply one principle. Nothing really is personal. I learned this quote from the YouTube channel 1M because he mentioned the importance of becoming stoic as a man. I wouldn’t recommend being stoic for everybody since it’s pretty difficult. I’m using the example from the video in the following sentence. It is from the book called “The Selfish Gene” by Richard Dawkins.
Let’s say you’re getting cheated on by your girlfriend; you could scream, become angry, cry, etc. You could ask her why and how she could do that to you. What if you would look at it from a rational perspective? People do things based on two principles. First, what are they getting for a certain action X, and what are they getting if they don’t do action X. So it’s not personal of your girlfriend; there was a certain moment in which she felt the need to sleep with another man.
“She didn’t do it to hurt me; she probably wasn’t thinking about me at the time; she was just thinking this guy is a better candidate than who I’ve currently got; I’m going to do this for me. Nobody is doing this to piss you off; that’s why they are sorry and apologizing afterwards. It was a selfish decision.” Kris Sturmey.
However, some people also like to hurt others because of the selfish gene and for the sake of holding/bringing other people down. The people that mock you for certain reasons are doing that because they are insecure about themselves in one aspect in their life and therefore using this to compare themselves in various areas with other people. They choose people who are lacking a thing that they have and then start comparing themselves with them so that they can boost their little ego and feel nice and secure for a moment. If they're doing it more often, their life is miserable, and they need this confirmation that they have something nice because their life sucks in a way. Strangely, I find this concept of misery and hating rather in women, especially in the age around 16-18. Maybe it’s due to social media, higher unrealistic beauty standards, big companies, or just personal trauma that needs treatment. Who knows? I’m not a woman.
When people try to pull you down, you are above them; otherwise, they wouldn't reach for you to pull you down.
I love ravens and crows. They are highly intelligent birds, but I’m using them as an example now.
“The only bird that will dare to peck at an eagle is the crow. The crow sits on the eagle's back and bites his neck. The eagle does not respond or fight with the crow. It simply opens up its wings and begins to rise higher and higher in the sky. The higher the eagle flies, the harder it is for the crow to breathe, and then, due to a lack of oxygen, the crow falls away, and the eagle is free.”
In my life, I’ve stumbled upon some crows, and you will too if you haven’t already, so here’s how to deal with crows.
Choose the fucks you give; you only have a limited amount of them to give.
Don’t waste your energy and time on people who aren’t good for you. Sounds so easy and logical, right? Don’t obsessively stalk them on social media, getting angry about them because they harmed you in a certain way. This only makes it worse. Why are you following them anyway?
2. You don’t need to be friends with everybody.
I strongly dislike the modern philosophy of “Everybody is your friend” because it isn’t the case. It’s fake and idealistic. People who really think like this are delusional. Sadly, the ones who are too kind to say no are the ones who are getting used for their kindness. People who only ask you when they need something aren’t your friends; forget them.
3. It’s your responsibility how you feel.
They might be hurting you, I know, but crying about it won’t change anything. You can say that is masculine coldness and not good for you; I call that tough reality that you have to endure. So whenever people who clearly don’t like you are talking nonsense to you, you can choose how you feel and therefore choose how to react. You can punch them in the face if you want to do so, but you have to face the consequences of your actions. I had moments where I could have easily punched other guys in the face, but I chose not to do so. It’s very immature to fight someone based on an insult or a situation that pissed you off. It’s better to clear things verbally. People usually recognize when they were pretty close to getting hurt. I think it was in 8th grade or something like that where a boy slapped me out of nowhere. He was a little insecure kid with many problems, and I think he felt the need to slap me. Instead of slapping him back or starting a fight with him, I just stared him down and said calmly that he needs to excuse himself, and he did. I continued staring into his eyes, and I saw that he got scared; his eyes started to panic, and I felt victorious. We both knew that I could have slapped him back with ease. But I chose not to do so. This moment was more teaching for the boy than punching back because he recognized how close he was to getting hurt but was spared because I chose not to strike back. Today the boy has improved himself and is living a better life than back then, and I’m proud of him. Choose your emotions and your actions wisely.
In short, live your life while staying true to yourself and don’t waste away your happiness, soul, mental health, and energy on toxic people. Leave them alone on their path and climb so high that you become unreachable.
Spoiler alert: The higher you climb, the stronger the toxic people become. It’s like leveling up in a video game.
Have a great day and stay healthy and sharp!
Strength and Honor
