Toxic compassion
Disclaimer: This article is politically incorrect
Political correctness and body positivity are taking the world by storm. In recent years it has become an offence to tell someone that they are fat even if it is the objective truth. When speaking your opinion, you have to choose your words carefully to avoid excluding or including the wrong people and to hurt someone´s feelings. Every minority has to be accounted for and languages get butchered by gender neutral speech.
I would count myself as an advocate for equality in every aspect gender, race, nationality but the way it is pushed into society makes me worry because objective truth isn´t the goal anymore. Of course, not all criticism is equal and you have to choose your words because the motive isn´t to hurt someone but to make them aware or give guidance to more success. But you have to beware of toxic compassion. Compassion is important it allows us to work together, share pain and help those who need it most. Toxic compassion on the other hand optimizes for looks, outward appearance and emotional comfort. Sadly, do our emotions trick us into self-destructive habits. When trying to improve your life you have to accept objective truth as your compass to guide you to your desired goal. Imagine you want to lose weight. You know sweets and fast food make you obese because they are high sugar high fat. This is our objective truth. When eating these kinds of foods, you get a feeling of happiness because your emotions crave junk food. When you follow your feelings, you will stray away from your goal and you will get unhealthy. Now confronted with this harsh reality you will become sad and maybe angry about yourself for not reaching your goals and pursuing unhealthy habits. Toxic compassion strikes: Someone or you yourself tell you that it´s fine to be obese to skip exercise and to “sometimes” eat unhealthy food let alone that you get told that you can´t differentiate between “good” and “bad” foods anyway. Your emotions get soothed and you feel good for the moment because your bad habits become justified. But the emotional comfort has its price, in our example your health.
When confronted with reality you will inevitably feel bad! This is because you aren´t “perfect” you won´t have a perfect diet, perfect training routine, perfect relationship, perfect work, perfect anything. Nobody has and nobody will ever have. This is the nature of reality it is perfect in imperfection. But this isn´t an excuse for not trying your hardest for perfection. I believe we are in this life to work towards and to reach our potential and to experience life and the pleasures it brings.
On one hand I work hard on perfecting myself because I want to fulfil my potential and on the other hand does it give me more fulfilment knowing my actions benefit me instead of being self-destructing. I get pleasure from bad habits and crave things like alcohol too. I enjoy being drunk or absolutely hammered from time to time but I get more pleasure or inner fulfilment from refusing to intoxicate my body. You have to remind yourself of the truth, alcohol for example is a poison and every time you consume it in any amount your body will get unhealthier.
You have to accept truth. I am most grateful to have real friends who tell me to my face when I do something self-destructing or if I fucked up. I am honest, I hate the feeling of having made a mistake or doing things I know I shouldn´t but I won´t lead a better life without confronting the rough edges of life. The thing is my friends have no bad intention if they tell me I am an idiot for doing something or I am immature or skinny or fat it doesn´t matter you can insert anything you could criticise. They want that I better myself and that I act different the next time I face a similar situation and that I will be a better person in the future. They are compassionate. It hurts in the short term but it gives back its energy in the future. There is no sugar-coating for the rotten.
When you become a victim of toxic compassion you will do your future self a discomfort by burdening it to deal with the consequences of your actions. This goes in both ways if you eat junk food your future self has to deal with obesity and ailment but if you “suffer” now by doing sports and eating clean you will bless your future self with health, a body capable of performing and a body you will feel proud presenting. Emotional discomfort is the way forward. Discipline means acting regardless of what you are feeling. Sanity means you base your thoughts on truth.
Important is that we also don´t give toxic compassion to other people. Always tell the truth or at least don´t lie. You won´t do anyone any good by lying or sugar-coating objective truth but be respectful. “What I care about is the reality of goodness not the perception of it” - Elon Musk. Don´t forget to be brutally honest too yourself too. Ryan Holiday wrote, “we must all become our own teachers, tutors, and critics”.
Practice what you preach, life according to truth and always remember, life rewards the prepared.
